How to Get Over Betrayal: 19 Tips for Healing and Moving Forward

I understand that dealing with betrayal in a relationship and marriage is hard, and the biggest challenge is figuring out how to face it. In this guide, we will look at simple ways to handle the hurt and trust issues that come after someone lets you down. We’ll talk about why betrayal hurts so much and how it affects your trust in others and yourself.

Plus, we’ll give you some expert advice on how to get over betrayal and move on after betrayal. This is all about helping you find your way back to feeling good and trusting again after a betrayal.

How Does Betrayal Affect Us?

Betrayal deeply affects us, as explained by psychological experts. Emotionally, it triggers a mix of hurt, anger, and confusion. This is because betrayal undermines our trust in others, a fundamental aspect of human relationships. The emotional impact is often intense because it comes from someone we trusted.

From a psychological perspective, betrayal can lead to difficulties in trusting others in the future. It makes us question our judgment, leading to a defensive relationship stance. This guarded approach can sometimes lead to isolation to protect oneself from further hurt.

Betrayal also impacts our self-esteem and self-perception. People often start doubting their worth or questioning their actions. Experts suggest that processing these feelings is crucial for healing. It involves understanding that the betrayal reflects the betrayer’s choices, not our values. Rebuilding trust in ourselves and others is a gradual process, requiring time and, often, support from friends, family, or professionals.

19 Ways to Healing from Betrayal 

First, Be Honest with Your Feeling 

Feeling angry, disappointed, or hurt after a betrayal is completely normal. Recognizing and naming these feelings is important since you’ve experienced a break in a close relationship. However, it’s also important not to stay stuck in these negative emotions, like self-pity or regret, for too long. Moving beyond these feelings is a key part of healing. Learn about the hopeless romantic

Think about how your relationship was before the betrayal occurred.

It’s important to be honest with yourself about the role you might have played in what happened. This isn’t about blaming yourself but about understanding the whole situation. Think about whether you and your partner were already drifting apart. Reflect on the relationship’s impact on your life – whether it added value or took it away. This helps in gaining a clearer perspective and moving forward.

Take some time away from the person who let you down.

Healing from betrayal can be tougher if the person who betrayed you is around. It might be a good idea to ask them for some space so you can process everything. Also, try to limit how much you hear about them – maybe ask friends not to bring them up and stay off their social media to avoid updates. This can help you focus on your healing.

Don’t try to get back at them.

When someone betrays you, it’s normal to feel like getting back at them. But remember, revenge isn’t helpful and can make things worse. It might stop you from healing and lead to more negative thoughts. Even though you might feel they deserve it, trying to punish them won’t fix anything or make you feel better. It’s better to focus on healing yourself instead.

Take time for yourself.

Handling betrayal can be tough, especially if the person who hurt you is close by. If a partner or friend betrayed you, asking for some space while you process things is okay. You might even consider taking a short break or asking them to stay elsewhere temporarily. If they’re far away, take a break from talking to them until you’re ready. Also, staying off social media is a good idea to avoid getting updates about them that could upset you. This can help you focus on healing.

Find someone you can talk to openly.

Talking about betrayal and express your feeling with someone you trust can help you heal. Chatting with a close friend or a therapist can clear your mind and help you figure out what to do next. Just because someone betrayed you doesn’t mean you can’t trust others. You might even learn to trust the person who betrayed you again.

Try to forgive.  

Forgiving someone for betraying you doesn’t mean you’re okay with what they did. It’s more about letting go of anger and moving on. When you forgive, you might feel more understanding and less stressed. It’s not just good for your feelings; forgiving can be good for your health, like lowering blood pressure and reducing anxiety.

State your forgiveness.

Forgiving someone is more about caring for yourself than the person who hurt you. You don’t have to tell anyone you’ve forgiven them. If you want, you can let the person know, but if you’re not talking to them, just saying it to yourself is fine, too. If it’s hard to say, you could write a letter. If writing makes you angry, wait and try again when you’re calmer. This way, you can let go of the hurt without confronting them.

Release negative emotions.

Focus on yourself rather than the person who hurt you. Remind yourself not to let betrayal control your life or happiness. When you have a negative thought, acknowledge it, but don’t let it stay. If it keeps coming back, recognize it and let it go each time. If you’re struggling to move past these feelings, engage in self-care exercises like meditation or yoga to help clear your mind of negative thoughts.

Forgive, but don’t feel like you have to rebuild the relationship.

You can forgive someone who betrayed you without rebuilding the relationship with them. Some betrayals, especially severe ones like abuse, may mean the end of the relationship. Forgiving doesn’t mean you agree with what they did. Also, if the person who betrayed you has passed away or refuses to talk, you can still move forward with forgiveness without their involvement. Forgiveness is more about your peace than fixing the relationship.

Keep trying.

If you find it hard to move on, remember that forgiving someone takes time. Big betrayals can impact your life, and it’s normal to forgive them more than once. Even smaller issues might need to be considered a few times before they stop hurting. Just keep reminding yourself that forgiving is what you’re aiming for.

Ask for an apology.

If you’re thinking about staying in a relationship after a betrayal, it’s important to see if the other person is ready to fix things. If they won’t admit they hurt you or try to blame you, it’s not the right time to rebuild trust. Using “I” statements can help. For example, saying, “I’d like to know you understand why I’m hurt” or “I would appreciate an apology from you” can express your feelings clearly and show what you need from them.

Have a conversation with your partner.

It can be tough to face someone who hurt you, but it’s really important for your peace of mind to talk to your partner and tell them how their actions affected you. If they ask you to hear them out, maybe give them a chance to explain. Pay attention to whether they seem to be making excuses or if they’re truly sorry. When you’re talking, use “I” statements, stay calm, and handle the conversation gracefully.

End the relationship if needed. 

Has your partner broken your trust before, or is this the first time? Do they understand how much they’ve hurt you? Have they taken responsibility and said sorry? Or is this just another time in a pattern of them letting you down? If they’ve done this before, it might be best to think about ending the relationship. Staying with someone who keeps breaking promises and hurting you over and over can just encourage them to keep doing it.

Be open to trusting again.

You don’t need to fully trust someone right away. Begin with small things and take little risks. Dionne Eleanor, a coach, suggests making agreements and setting aside time now and then to talk about what’s working well and what’s not. If you’re giving your partner another chance, it’s better to trust them step by step instead of all at once, like before.

Write down your feelings.

Writing in a journal can help you sort through your feelings, especially when dealing with something as tough as betrayal. Jot down what you’re feeling, how your days are going, and any new thoughts you have as you start to heal. You could write about how this betrayal has changed the way you see yourself, the ways you deal with things that remind you of it, or how your thoughts about forgiving are changing.

Confess with your partner.

Besides figuring out your own feelings, it’s time to talk to the person who hurt you. Tell them how you feel about what happened, but don’t try to guess how they’ll react. Start sentences with “I” instead of “You.”

For example, say, “I felt betrayed when you shared something private I told you.” This is clearer and less aggressive than saying, “You broke my trust by telling others what I told you.” Writing a letter first can be helpful. If you think writing down your feelings works better, you can read the letter to them or let them read it before you talk more.

Decide on your mutual goals.

Find out if you and your partner want the same things for your relationship in the future. Perhaps you both want things to go back to how they were, or you’re hoping for a change in your relationship. You might realize that you have different goals.

Betrayal can happen when someone isn’t honest about what they need. If you wear makeup, good things can happen. For example, if you work together, you might need to spend less time working together or work more closely on some projects.

Talk to a counselor with each other.

If you’re dealing with betrayal by a partner or a family member, seeing a counselor together might be a good idea. Look for a therapist who knows a lot about your specific situation. If it’s about cheating in a marriage, find someone good at marriage counseling.

Some Common Types of Betrayal 

The most common type: Infidelity

Infidelity in relationships varies greatly from person to person. It can involve emotional connections or physical relationships with someone other than your partner. Nowadays, with so much social media, even online flirting or connections, known as “cyber infidelity,” count as a betrayal. 

A relationship expert, Michaiah Dominguez, points out that emotional infidelity, which is forming an emotional bond and investing time in someone outside your primary relationship, can be particularly damaging. It can have a lasting impact because it replaces the role and importance of your partner in your life.

Stonewalling

When your partner is emotionally unavailable, it feels like a break in trust because it’s not what you expect in a relationship. Usually, you look for a partnership where both of you share and connect. If your partner shuts you out, it feels like they’re ignoring your need for emotional closeness. This withdrawal can seem like they don’t care about you. Even though the partner pulling away might have their reasons, it leaves you feeling alone and unable to rely on them for support.

Health betrayal

In a relationship, being honest about your health, including things like STI status or chronic conditions, is important. If you don’t tell your partner about these things, it can feel like a betrayal to them. Not sharing this information can hurt your partner’s feelings and put their health at risk.

Being disrespectful and not supporting your partner

Disrespect in a relationship can show in different ways, like talking badly about you to others, not defending you, belittling you in public, ignoring your opinions, or not paying attention to you at social events. We usually expect our partners to be our biggest supporters, standing by and not letting others treat us badly. If they don’t do this, or even join in on the disrespect, it’s easy to lose trust in them and feel like you’re facing the world alone.

Confide the problems with others

In a healthy relationship, trust and open communication are key. If you share your problems with friends before your partner, it might make them feel like you don’t trust them enough to open up about your issues. They could feel hurt and left out of important parts of your life, wondering why you didn’t choose to talk to them first.

Emotional cheating

If you’re chatting or messaging someone and would feel worried if your partner saw the conversation, it might be emotional cheating. This includes getting very close, intimate, or flirty with someone else. Signs of this include staying up late to talk to this person, hiding your phone, and downplaying the situation if your partner questions you. Even if it’s not physical, it’s not harmless. It hurts your partner because your emotional connection should be with them alone.

Financial betrayal

Financial infidelity happens when one partner isn’t honest about money matters, like hiding debt or keeping secret savings. It also includes having a hidden gambling or shopping problem. Essentially, it’s about not being truthful about financial situations. A survey from U.S. News & World Report found that three in 10 couples have faced financial infidelity. 

Friend betrayal 

Friend betrayal means when a friend does something that breaks your trust. This can be things like telling secrets you shared, not being honest, or not supporting you when you need them. It hurts a lot because you trusted them. After something like this happens, you might feel upset or confused and think hard about whether to keep being friends with them.

Humiliating or insulting your partner

Humiliating or insulting your partner, whether in public or private, is a form of betrayal. This behavior breaks down the respect and trust that are essential in a healthy relationship. When one partner puts down the other, it can deeply hurt their self-esteem and feelings of security within the relationship.

This kind of betrayal can be damaging and often requires significant effort to heal, including open communication, understanding the impact of such actions, and working towards rebuilding trust and respect.

Final Words from Loveable

In short, getting past betrayal is about understanding your feelings, talking it out, and maybe getting some professional advice. It’s a step-by-step journey that needs patience and self-care. Whether through self-reflection, heart-to-hearts, or therapy, you can move forward, grow stronger, and learn more about what you need and want in relationships.